Apocalypse ... when ?

Today is the day ... the one that media and party goers all over the world have been waiting for: the end of the world. According to some Maya calendar ... supposedly ... we don't believe, of course .... but it is so wonderfully spooky.

I have heard people making jokes - and I have seen wonderful satires about it on the Internet. On the other hand  I  read about those who have been preparing themselves, their homes and their families for months. And  there are those, who know that only God knows the time, so why worry now?

Actually, the end of the world happens every day, is happening right now. Every day somebody's world can collapse from one minute to the other. A phone rings to tell you that your father is in hospital and dying. The routine check-up with your doctor ends up in a serious talk about your fatal illness. A car accident finishes your dream of becoming a dancer. A child dies.

Today I am thinking particularly about the families and students of Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut, for whom the world and life will never be the same again. Twenty children and six adult staff members died. Twenty-five families for whom the world has already ended.

My thoughts and prayers are with them.

It is no use to expect the Apocalypse - we are never prepared. We can only live our lives as well as we can NOW. Live, love, forgive. Give kindness. Enjoy what we can enjoy. Hold the hand of someone who needs it. Be grateful for what we have. But also cry, mourn, feel pain and pray. Accept when something is given to us.

Live - and  do our little bit  that others can live, too.

Maybe this way we can save the world.

Money Stories

Well, these past weeks and months I very often had to do with money. Bills had to be paid, subscriptions and insurances had to be cancelled, forms to be filled in to claim money we are entitled to ... and finally my parents' bank accounts will be closed down and the money divided among us heirs. Not that I am filthy rich now - but when I travel to China one day I will think of my parents who made it possible by saving money and passing it on to us.

I miss them. Now I am no longer anybody's child - I have finally grown up. But I grew up with their love and care and I am grateful for it.

When I went through my parents' empty house with the landlord, he found a German Deutsch Mark Pfenning. The Deutsche Mark was the currency before the Euro was introduced and one Pfennig was the smallest coin. People used to keep one for good luck - so I keep my Good Luck Pfennig, which is like a greeting from my parents.

And the other day , when I tidied up my son's bedroom, I found a lot of small change that he said I could keep. I put it into the box with other stray coins I have collected during the past year and took it all to the bank . The total amount was about 50 USD which I donated to Jackie Chan's Build a  School charity.

Money can make you desperate, particularly when you  need some to feed your family or pay for your children's education. It can poison people's hearts, make them greedy, thrifty and hard. People kill for it, commit crimes, exploit , deceive and lie for it.

But money can also be connected with love. Like my parents' love for us. Like the small coins that get together to help.

If you have enough or more than enough money, don't let it  rule you. Let your heart rule over your money.

... and the bridge is love ...

Thorton Wilder's novel The Bridge of San Lui Rey ends with these words:
"There is a land of the living and a land of the dead, and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning."

Two weeks ago my father died - aged 90 he died a quick and easy death. He could live at home, looked after by wonderful people, until the end. It is sad - but it is good the way it is.

I spent all last week in  my parents' house, which  I will have to empty and give back to the landlord by the summer. It is not the house where I grew up up in, but my family has lived there for more than 30 years and it is full of memories. And the fact that both of my parents are now dead,  means that a part of my life has come to an end: I am no longer a daughter. In a way, it marks the final end of childhood.

However - if I look at things properly, I see that I ceased to be the child  years ago. Gradually, I had to take over tasks for my parents, had to look after them - and even make decisions for them. I have already grown up.

And the house, which during the first weekend after my father's death was so filled with his "spirit" that I thought I could feel his presence, is becoming a stranger. It is a place where I sleep and work when I am there. Of course, in the end all the things that made up my parents' lives, will be thrown away.

But they are only THINGS. I have the memories in me, everything they taught me, all the laughter we shared, all the worries and the care they gave me. I carry their love in me and my love for them.

I am ready to let go - and it does not leave me sad or desperate.

"... and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning."

Happy Easter to those, who celebrate it. The Christian holiday that celebrates the victory of life over death. The victory of (God's) love over death.

(photo: Guillermo Macias, Mexico)

Where is the sound of silence ?

On Friday we had a memorial church service for a deceased colleague. There was a moment of complete silence - no cough, no rustling of clothes, no whispering, nothing. It made me think  about all the noise that tortures my ears all day.

My job  forces me to work with people. A lot of people. A lot of people who talk to me at the same time. There is constant noise -  in the office, in the hall, in the room for the the breaks. Five conversations at the same time, everybody shouting loudly trying to make themselves heard.

There is music... well "music" ... everywhere. In the supermarket, for example. The nice relaxing music that is supposed to make me buy just makes me angry . I want to escape as fast as possible and forget half of the things on my list. Children crying, mothers shouting, men talking  at the top of their voices.

And all the machines: cars, buses, trams, planes, helicopters,  the washing machine, the dryer, the computer. People talking on their mobile phones. When I come home, I turn on the TV, the radio or a CD. Most of the things I hear there are not important, but they pollute my brain and keep me from thinking.

Well - there is a point to start. I may not be able to get away from the noise at work or in the city. But I can keep my house quiet. Or go to a quiet place, like a church. And when then, after a while, the organ lets some Bach music float through the air... then I know, that silence makes us hear the  important things. Like the voices of our hearts.

Church in the small town of Tequila, México

Happy Chinese New Year

xin nian kuai le ..... gung hay fat choy

I wish everybody who celebrates a happy new Year of the Dragon  - ah, you don't know what this is all about?

Well - the traditional Chinese calendar  is a lunar calendar, so the celebrations of the new year take place at some time between the end of January and the beginning of February. The Chinese call it the "Spring Festival" and it is the celebration of nature coming back to life. Like all big festivals you celebrate with your family, which means that each year around this time millions of Chinese are on the road (or train or plane..) to visit their families. And of course, there are  fireworks. After all, the Chinese invented fireworks ! What most Western kids like most about Chinese New Year are the red envelopes with money children and unmarried relatives get . More details about the celebrations here.


And where does the dragon come from ? The Chinese calendar  has a 12 year cycle and each year is named after an animal. Last year was the Year of the Rabbit, the new year is going to be the Year of the Dragon. People born in the year of a certain animal are said to have certain characteristics... well, if you want to know more, you can e.g. find more information here .

By the way, I was born in the Year of the Rooster...

 A colouring page with a dragon can be found on Jackie Chan's website in the "Kids Corner." 

Good bye, Princess !

I lost a friend - well, you might say, it was "only a cat", but she was more than just "a cat". She was a member of our family and  a good companion for more than 12 years. And on Friday I had to go to the vet and have her put down.

I got her when she was 11 weeks old and we had a close relationship. She had an incredible air of arrogance about her and seemed to be well aware of the fact that in ancient Egypt she might have been worshipped as a goddess. She was a real princess - but also a real cat who could live a real cat's life roaming the gardens of the neighbourhood, hunting and supplying the household with food.

I miss having to fight for access to my bed, my desk and my computer keyboard.  I miss nearly stepping on her when I walk into the kitchen.  I miss spending winter evenings opening and closing the balcony door, because a cat is always on the wrong side of a door. She was seldom satisfied with the service she got from me - and she never failed to tell me off. And I miss it.

And she was there when I needed someone to cuddle because I was sad. She listened patiently to everything I told her - and living together with her taught me that love and freedom can go together.

Bye bye, my dear friend - I am listening to our favourite music and thinking of you. And I am grateful that you shared my life.

Whose bed ?